Today I remembered this one time I’d used that phrase, “in another life”. I used that phrase for all the things I’d dreamed of being- like a brilliant dancer or an amazing vocalist- and all the things I should have never dreamed of being. You’ll see in a second what I mean.
So today I was testifying. In church. In my mind. Yes, I know, I’m weird, I do that a lot. Think up stuff, play it out, except now, I win in my thoughts, so for the bad situations I play out, I get to figure out how I should respond, kinda, train my emotions. That is, thoughts aligned with the Will of God and following the lines of “as a man thinketh, so is he”.
Anyway back to my “story”. So I was testifying and I started on one thing and then I ended up at my “in another life” scene. I was baptized YEARS ago. I was filled for a long time. I was a powerful young woman in Christ. But I was a totally different person in this circle of friends. I was definitely the go to for the filth. I had the ability to turn ANY conversation and ANY situation into an unmentionable one. Trust me I was funny as hell; however, I was supposed to be the example that should have lead these people I should have cared for towards the cross. But I was funny as hell!
Ok, for real now, so I was testifying and I started on the time I ended up in a strip club. Naked. Yes, NAKED!!!!
It was the end of a tournament and some of us had decided we wanted to not only have a little party, but also to go out. Turns out, the out, was at a nearby strip club. Sooo, my little group and I arrived to the fiasco behind the other teams that had already been there basking in the “glory” of the settings. Anywaaay. One of the fun guys decided he wanted me to put his money on the strippers on stage. Mind you, we’d just watched some guy get his business pulled out of his pants by one of the strippers, so I should have known better, but somehow I forgot that quick that that had happened.
So, I walk up. Cocky as ever. Put the money on this one stripper and was about to walk away when the person on the mic- I don’t know where he was, but there was a person on a mic somewhere giving directives- told them not to let me off the stage. I can’t re word what he said in any way that can make it sound as intense, fun, and filthy as he did, so just take my word for it that what he said was fit for where we were. Much like Vegas. They did have a motto of that nature going around. So yeah.
Now I’m being pinned to a pole. One had my arms in a serious lock around that pole. The other started at my clothes. I looked into the crowd at my friends for help and they STOOD THERE. STARING AT ME, just about with mouths open and drooling. Lol. No help whatsoever.
In another life, I was as stripper, so know that I did NOT resist but only for a second. I enjoyed it. I was entirely caught up with the idea of two beautiful women undressing me, and how happy I was I had groomed my lady parts, and how hot I thought I looked. Listen, this was while my body was in competition, I had muscle tone. Let me continue. My supposed friends came closer to the front of the stage to catch the clothes these two women took off of me and threw to them. By the time my pants were on its way down over my behind, that’s when one of my supposed friends ran on the stage and pulled my pants up. Of course they started stripping her. Lol. She was mad. They eventually let us go. My supposed friends dressed me.
Then I asked. “Why didn’t you guys help me?” Response: “I was enjoying the show.” Another friend was just amazed at my lack of response. Or rather, my intense enjoyment. He said I didn’t flinch.
Remember how I said I was testifying in church, in my mind. Yep, by the time I got to this story in my thoughts I was asking God not to let me tell this one. Point is, I was on the stage, I was naked, I wasn’t bothered by it, I desired that light, I had a taste for it, I was thriving in that atmosphere. I was saved. I was the salt. I was the light. I was the naked Christian on the stage of a strip club, and I was enjoying myself.
Believe me that that wasn’t the worst I did that night. I’m not just telling a story though. I’m not just putting my private business into social media for the fun of it. This is not fun. I’m not looking for special accolades either. I’m hoping that maybe somebody somewhere will realize that sometimes, intentional or not, sometimes we become the messes of the bible. We become this full blown embodiment, this life sized visual of just how undeserving we’ve been of GRACE. BUT that’s exactly where grace abounds. In our messes. Where we don’t deserve it.
Underserved mercy, that’s grace. I received it even after I’d been in places I shouldn’t have been. Doing things I shouldn’t have been doing. I received it after going through cycles of the same mistakes and messes. I RECEIVED IT.
Because much like the choices I was making, receiving grace is also a choice. It’s not forced upon us. It’s free but not forced. It’s always being extended to us. It’s for us to accept it. To accept God’s divine and perfect plan for us. To accept that “there is NOW NO CONDEMNATION TO THEM WHO ARE IN CHRIST”.To shine in darkness rather than blend in. To stand out as opposed to cowering in the shadows of “fitting in” and being liked.
To be willing to be loved by an unfailing God with a proven track record. I haven’t been naked in any more strip clubs. But I have been in some places that haven’t been ideal for a representative of Christ, but every time his mercy found me and his grace was extended. I’ve decided to FINALLY love him in TRUTH. Love him beyond my desires and my plans and LET HIS GRACE ABOUND. In and through me.
April 28, 2016,