I have never been perfect. I have also failed miserably in my life as a Christian. 

However, more notable is the fact that God has always remained immutable. He has always kept me safe and guided me. I still face the consequences for any and all “errs” but God is still good.

Believe me when I say that I have hated in my lifetime. Hated passionately too. 

But I’ve also forgiven much. I have recieved healing from some very deep hurts and I have learned how to love even in and through pain. 

That however hasn’t or rather, doesn’t really determine how others will treat you. It’s for us to stick with that transformed self even when others can’t see pass the mistakes we made and/or the hurts we may have caused them during our less than loving moments or seasons, during which times we looked least like Christ. 

So, I have THREE. I have three people in my life through whom I have come to learn the intense weight of hatred channeled in my direction. It is a hurtful place to stand in. To exist as the very thing that turns someone’s inside black. To be on the receiving end…it’s just not a good feeling. 

I had a hockey coach that, maybe I’m wrong but I believe with all my heart that she grew to hate me. Not in a mean coach kind of scenario but rather, a ‘we grew to become like family but our simultaneous existence threw the world out of balance’,it drew the love out of her heart. Then I met my mother and she loved me like my coach did, which was, only because she is suppose to. So she really didn’t have any trouble being hateful and hurtful and even sometimes cold. After these marvelous encounters I met an aunt I thought had more love than she knew, then it turned out I might look too much like my mom who she despises therefore she hates me.

I’m not talking about a whining ‘oh boo hoo they hate me’ sort of hate. I mean the kind that makes your heart sink within when you catch a glimpse of how they look at you just for being in the same air space. That hate that keeps you up bawling your eyes out because you haven’t been able to adjust anything to sway them. The kind that for moments of your life causes you to believe that you aren’t even worth much- much less to be worth their love and affection.

It is through these deep wounds and a multiplicity of other ‘life events and encounters’ that I have come to recognize the power of perspective. 

It is so easy to zone in- to sink my teeth into those bad fruits that will for sure turn my stomach and think, ‘I don’t deserve love or everyone hates me’, etc.

But a clear and healthy perspective reminds me that it is their loss. To carry around a load of hate is a weight no one finds comforting. It must be hard to always be sure to be angry. It must weigh heavily on them to maintain hate. It drains you. It really does. It sucks the life out of any experience it can. 

So I choose to love them more than they hate me. I choose to pray that my God of love will guide them on the journey towards true and truthful love. The kind that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and  endures all things. 

The love that is eternal, the 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love. 

For because God is love and I am made in his image and likeness, I too am love.

Rae Sonson, 

October 21, 2016,

19:52 p.m. 


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