“E. T. Phone Home”

You never quite realize how simple life was, till yuh affi live a farrin…maaaan when yuh affi decide which coconut wata more natural yuh know yuh nuh deh a Jamaica none tall.

Then to go from the “city” (cidy hahaha) because yuh love green space and listening to the wind in the trees, to “country”, nooo man, NUH WEH NUH BETTA DAN YAAD! 

Everywhere in Jamaica was nice and close. Even the places I needed extra bug spray and lots of sunblock to get to or stay in. 

These 2/3 hour commute rough pon a small island girl. 

More specifically, these 2/3 hours commute without breath taking sceneries are very rough. 

A four hours drive to the country in Jamaica was relaxing and full of life and vigour. There is always so much to see. Even when Fern Gully was depleting it was still beautiful to pass through. The nice blue seas. The bright vibrant colours of EVERYTHING. 

I need a vacation to go exploring. I need to fill this hunger for lively engaging culture and nature and fresh crisp air. 

Yes, fresh air. 

Oooh, fresh sea breeze! 

I miss the choices I had: beach, river, waterfalls,….steam fish, fish tea, ackee and salt fish, kidney….I could eat some kidney right now. I just don’t know if I trust farrin meat to trust that if the package say kidney is kidney; from a goat that was a regular goat. Lol.

And if Summer think it going come and go again and nuh beach wata nuh see mi toe dem it mek a sad mistake.

 Then again, there’s real beach and then there’s beach in this the Northeast where the water is rough and frigid and the sand is desert hot. 

I have not yet unlocked the secret fun and magic of living in this place. 

I will though. Soon enough. 

Then I will have two places that make my heart happy. 

My island home and my soon to be northeast haven. 

Until then, E.T. is going to the South and if the South offers no appeasement then we are back to phoning home. 
Rae Sonson,

February 19, 2017,

23:49 p.m.

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I HAVE TO believe…

…that the residue is gone. 

So I burned what was left of “us”. 

I mean, I gave you back to God a good while now, in addition to being taught how to love you the right way. From a distance.

I’m not hung up on you. Anymore. 

HOWEVER, I don’t know, well I do know but yeah…

I know I’m delivered and I know I’m free from it all. Christ has made me free. I know. But I have this inner struggle, this battle in my mind, that if I notice that I have noticed something I used to notice then something has to be wrong or at least, a little off. That somehow I’ve still got some of the “bad” in me. 

That is a lie. 

I read as much of the Truth as I could digest and I believed it and I followed it and stayed accountable to God himself but here I was again noticing that I noticed something the old identity was drawn to. 

Am I really cleansed? 

So I joined the line, at this conference to release this and that and I walked unashamed with the boxes branded with the things I was realeasing. Fear and insecurity. I noticed someone else carrying LUST  and I could feel something outside myself try to bring me back to that place of condemnation but I knew within my heart that I hadn’t shared that load so I left that box alone. 

I left those boxes before God and walked away even more whole. 

But I still felt like my eyes and mind would betray me. I still felt like they’d join forces and activate a dead flesh and call it to engage. 

So, was I really completely washed?

So I joined yet another line and this time I let myself let go. I was free but my mind was stuck in a box. So I opened my mouth and asked for the help I needed to get rid of this residue; the lingering smell of who I thought I was and all that went with it. 

My hands were washed symbolically and I received it in my heart, mind and spirit that I was now 100% stain free. 

Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord ? Who may stand in his holy place?  The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god.

Psalm 24:3‭-‬4 NIV

http://bible.com/111/psa.24.3-4.NIV

I have now seen my freedom in burning the physical residue and in cleansing from the emotional, spiritual and mental residues. 

I have had to actively walk this out.  

I won’t lie and say that it has been a walk in the park. Everyday presents it’s unique opportunities to see God move on our behalfs, in mine I have to choose to identify myself as the cleansed daughter of God. Remind my brain who I am and remind my emotions and my thoughts that I am renewed. 

I am not who I was. I don’t have to do it alone. I don’t ever again have to hang my head in shame or condemnation. Christ has made me free. 

I am healed because God has healed me. 

I am 100% residue free. A whole new creation in Christ. 
Rae Sonson,

February 9th, 2017,

00:53 a.m.