I HAVE TO believe…

…that the residue is gone. 

So I burned what was left of “us”. 

I mean, I gave you back to God a good while now, in addition to being taught how to love you the right way. From a distance.

I’m not hung up on you. Anymore. 

HOWEVER, I don’t know, well I do know but yeah…

I know I’m delivered and I know I’m free from it all. Christ has made me free. I know. But I have this inner struggle, this battle in my mind, that if I notice that I have noticed something I used to notice then something has to be wrong or at least, a little off. That somehow I’ve still got some of the “bad” in me. 

That is a lie. 

I read as much of the Truth as I could digest and I believed it and I followed it and stayed accountable to God himself but here I was again noticing that I noticed something the old identity was drawn to. 

Am I really cleansed? 

So I joined the line, at this conference to release this and that and I walked unashamed with the boxes branded with the things I was realeasing. Fear and insecurity. I noticed someone else carrying LUST  and I could feel something outside myself try to bring me back to that place of condemnation but I knew within my heart that I hadn’t shared that load so I left that box alone. 

I left those boxes before God and walked away even more whole. 

But I still felt like my eyes and mind would betray me. I still felt like they’d join forces and activate a dead flesh and call it to engage. 

So, was I really completely washed?

So I joined yet another line and this time I let myself let go. I was free but my mind was stuck in a box. So I opened my mouth and asked for the help I needed to get rid of this residue; the lingering smell of who I thought I was and all that went with it. 

My hands were washed symbolically and I received it in my heart, mind and spirit that I was now 100% stain free. 

Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord ? Who may stand in his holy place?  The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god.

Psalm 24:3‭-‬4 NIV


I have now seen my freedom in burning the physical residue and in cleansing from the emotional, spiritual and mental residues. 

I have had to actively walk this out.  

I won’t lie and say that it has been a walk in the park. Everyday presents it’s unique opportunities to see God move on our behalfs, in mine I have to choose to identify myself as the cleansed daughter of God. Remind my brain who I am and remind my emotions and my thoughts that I am renewed. 

I am not who I was. I don’t have to do it alone. I don’t ever again have to hang my head in shame or condemnation. Christ has made me free. 

I am healed because God has healed me. 

I am 100% residue free. A whole new creation in Christ. 
Rae Sonson,

February 9th, 2017,

00:53 a.m.


2 thoughts on “I HAVE TO believe…

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