Starting with the Word; Luke 8:17 ” For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.”
Sometime ago I had made a declaration that if I, at the time being soooo homophobic, ever became ‘one’ I’d kill myself. Lo and behold it happened and I didn’t see how or where it came from but what I know now is that I gave the enemy ammunition to come get me.
So for some years I battled with my sexuality, being a christian, being true to God and being unsure of who i was. It was most definitely and to date probably the hardest fought battle and the most appreciated victory through Christ.
Getting out and going back over and over again. My mind corrupt, my desires twisted, my thoughts tainted, and my heart in turmoil because I knew it was wrong. I can remember nights in the act where I’d just cried and hoped the person I was with didn’t notice the tears. Lost and unfulfilled is how I felt.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it, most definitely enjoyed some climatic experiences and interesting ‘things’. But I was still lacking something and because I had known Jesus, I knew what I was missing was my relationship with Him. To top it off I hated the guilt I felt every time I chose to sin rather than love Him. Every time I was prompted to go back to God and I’d chose some chick instead just tore me in all kinda ways. Made me angry too.
Then when it had gotten really hard was when I started to feed the thoughts and allow the enemy into my mind and give this sin my attention, my worship. One movie definitely messed up my perception of it and I was seriously questioning if I was ever meant to not be attracted to a woman. More unhappiness crept in.
©iamaking_sonson
Rae Sonson
July 6, 2012
14:09 P.M.
IAMAKINGSONSON 